I feel like I’m scattered between places, not rooted anywhere no matter how hard I try, always on a holding pattern waiting for ‘something’ to happen, like what I’m really supposed to do or something. I feel like I’m on the ‘edge’ of something, but not quite grasping it, living, but not really … weird, can’t explain it. I felt really alive and felt like I was doing what I was supposed to be doing when we were at the mission working with them all, I feel really good when I’m helping others like that.
We’re back at mom’s (Central Point) again after having left a week ago from mom’s (last Thurs. the 15th, got here yesterday) – it’s like we’re always on the go, but not really doing what we’re really supposed to be doing. Anyway, William’s mom died Monday (in her sleep, that’s good) and William’s back totally went out on him Tuesday. Now, even though his mom died Monday, we were still planning on leaving for Crescent City on Tuesday to spend a week there working with the mission; however, when his back went out during the night and he couldn’t even move to get up, he decided that God wanted him in the valley instead for Christmas – he had to go to the chiropractor for sure now. He had been feeling like he really wasn’t supposed to go to Crescent City, been feeling like God was saying now wasn’t the time (working with the guys especially) because they would be distracted by Christmas goings ons and such (which they did have a very large turn-out for their Christmas feed and gift give away last night and their big Fairground feed today), so William was unsure until Tuesday morning, what God was really wanting us to do – come to the valley to spend time with his brothers. They weren’t doing too well with their mom’s death, plus still being homeless and having to move camp next week, plus his brothers trying to do all the after death stuff he needed to do.
Anyway, William had a most painful ride yesterday getting here and a most sleepless, painful night last night, so this morning we go to the chiropractor (who said he never seen his back that bad before – last time it went out was Dec. of ’14), who set it, but it was so inflamed and tight, it was still hard as a brick so he suggested William go to the walk-in clinic and get a prescription for muscle relaxer – which we did – 5 hours later, we finally got back to mom’s!! This medical system is sooooo messed up! It used to be you could go to a Dr., get a prescription, get in and out within an hour and done deal – now it’s such an ordeal and jumping thru this or that hoop – so stupid! Anyway, he felt immediate relief when the muscle relaxer kicked in.
Mom, in the mean time, took off yesterday morning with Albert to Portland! Here it is 2 weeks after open heart surgery and she’s off to Portland! That wasn’t bad enough, but Albert took her home from St. Helena after only 1 week! Open heart surgery and 2 major trips within 2 weeks! Crazy! Anyway, I had left St. Helena on the 9th (actually, mom did so much better after this surgery and recover really was a great deal different that the last one), got back to mom’s that night (only 7 hours to get back vs the 9 hours to get down there), then William and I went back to the coast on the 13th, thinking we were going to get things ready and go to Crescent City the 20th.
I like adventure and all, but all this running around is just too much, I just want to stay put for awhile! I hardly feel settled anywhere, always feeling like I have to be on the run all the time. I kept trying this winter to get something established in Coquille – art classes, tutoring, etc. I put an ad out there in Sept. advertising to give tutoring, music lessons, whatever, out of the “Downtown Studio” – they said I could (gave me a key and all) do whatever I wanted there, have a room even to set up an art studio, whatever. I’ve been running so much, I can’t seem to get something started. I got one kid, a 7th grader (reads at a 1st grade level), who I started tutoring Nov. 18th, only met with him that day and one other time; I had set up to meet with him again on Dec. 13th but we got in late and though I tried to get through and left 2 messages, I haven’t heard back. I don’t seem to be in any one place long enough to work with him anyway … I had someone call me about oboe lessons, haven’t heard back.
However, I’ll be getting an income again (finally!) on the 31st – we’ve been doing remarkably well since Oct. on no income – really am surprised, but not really, how God takes care of us – all of our needs are always met.
It’s just hard to plan for things really, because I tell people we’re going to do this or that, and things get changed, so how to really plan? I don’t know. Now William is talking about going to Crescent City in January, but now January is getting crazy – my daughter is flying in to stay and take care of mom Jan. 4-11th, so I’ll need to run over sometime during that to see her, and then Crescent City as well? I don’t know. William’s still talking about March-April in Crescent City. In the mean time – I still feel like I’m in limbo …