Feb. 28 – I’m so tired of
everything going on at school. The 10th
grade girl and that typical teenage attitude of “I know everything, you
know nothing”. I did a whole-class assignment (short story,
narration – in her book even!) and she said ‘no’, so Denessa
got on her about it for being disrespectful. And it blew up from
there – now she says that I don’t know how to teach art or music
and that she and the 10th grade boy need to take over! I don’t care, I’m so
frustrated by it all anyway! I try to do a lesson and the kids won’t
quit talking and listen to how to do it and then they get frustrated
because they can’t do it, etc. and etc. I was giving her and the 11th grader guitar lessons, then he decides he doesn’t want to do it
anymore and then she wanted to switch to Violin, which I
accommodated, then she throws this fit! I actually asked the 10th grade boy way
before all that if he would be willing to teach them guitar since he
was far better (I don’t even practice and haven't played in years!) and he said he was too
busy. I haven’t even gotten into some of my cool art assignments
because of the kids’ attitude and disrespect. I’m at a loss –
I don’t want to be there any longer! I’m tired of always being
the bad guy when I didn’t even do anything wrong!
I share my stories with people in order
to help them understand something I’m teaching Biblically, and I
share them for their benefit – to see that they can overcome evil
with Jesus’ help, etc. Why am I even bothering?! I sent Denessa another e-mail:
“I got to thinking
about the episodes last fall and again now, they all began with
teenagers … now we all know, they don't have a brain yet! (it
is up to us to help mold it for the good of the community as well as
service to God) You know what I mean; they think they know
everything … it goes with the age – every generation for
thousands of years. Why in the wide, wide, world of sports do
these parents not see that 'the teenagers' speak and everyone bowed
down and repeated the gossip, spreading the poison … covertly, of
course. Creating the fall guy for everyone to tread lightly
around, wishing they wern’t there …. I see the 'spiritual
side' of this – which is what the repeated battles are – war
which “isn't of flesh and blood, but of spiritual forces ...”
Everyone needs to quit doing the narrative the rest of the country is
doing – divide and destroy – the very thing they are all out
there going to meetings and protests about – they themselves are
propagating within the walls of the church/school that GOD CREATED IN
THE FIRST PLACE! You know the spiritual beginnings of this
whole undertaking and not only that, but the incredible wisdom and
insight God gave us both in putting this whole thing together.
Never has a project gone so well for me – and I've been on tons of
boards, committees, etc. and etc. and held office, etc. and etc.
projects galore in the past – but God's hand was on this thing from
the get-go. Now, it is up to US, the physical/spiritual leaders
to keep in prayer AND to squash this snake for what it is – to get
the truth of the matter out in the open and make sure they understand
that murmerings and whisperings of LIES must come to an end. It
is obvious now that I am held in distain by all now, not even trusted
by the kids (I can see it) and so, I'm sorry, but they are no longer
listening to me, so it comes to you to call a meeting and set this
straight. The one thing, like I said to you on Sunday, I cannot
tolerate is that Witchcraft spirit and all the underlings that go
with it. That evil snake must be crushed for God to have his
purpose in this building/church/school that He has created. I
have gotten prophecy from two sources now regarding our school, in
relation to future events, kids, etc.) that God has a BIG purpose for
us and we MUST BE UNITED ON ALL FRONTS! I am not mad, I am
distressed that we allowed this to go on by not fully addressing it
last fall. We hid it under a blanket for awhile, but no more.
I personally do not
hold anger (I actually check out pretty good on that list – not to
brag, but to say I do self-inventory often[I had presented Denessa
with a ‘moral inventory’ list and she gave it to the kids]), but
I am extremely impatient when it comes to spiritual destruction
within my midst and nothing is done about it – we need to get
serious about prayer (and we do along with our group, always pray for
the school) and I know I was remiss in that. The times we are
in are critical for what is about to come. Like I said
yesterday, we are in the midst of rebuilding AND war AND tearing down
all at the same time (Nehemiah, Ezra) and it isn't easy. We are
charged with molding the characters of these children (and their
parents and grandparents) and we must keep in the forefront that we
are evangelists out to save them all. Therefore, they must be
taught spiritual truths as we go along and this is a big one!
I got to thinking
about how you said something about my past schools coming up – I'm
wondering if they all missed the point I was making last Monday when
I talked about hugging kids – the whole point I was making (my
testimony in part) was that I was damaged at an early age, God healed
me, and I was sent out to minister to others likewise (3rd gr.
teacher) – the many damaged children I ministered to over the years
was them trusting me, coming to me, opening their hearts, crying on
my shoulder, and God healing them – in part or in whole at that
time. And when the national mandates went out in the early
2000's to 'not touch a kid in anyway' – my refusal at that time was
to say no, I will continue to minster to these children no matter
what anyone says. I guess I didn't explain things clearly or
some other message got out and got twisted … I don't know, but
whatever it is, it must be killed. Whenever I share with the
kids – in whatever form: personal experiences, education (lessons I
ask for), fun, whatever – I'm sharing from my 'wealth' from the
goodness of my heart to increase their wealth. The wise will
take heed. I may not be the best at 'how', but the source is
ALWAYS the same – I care and I want to see change for the better in
every part of our world – and this is the one part of the world I
was given charge of by God Himself to accomplish. Just like
Jesus said in the word: “the world first hated me, so too will they
hate you.” This is a spiritual war that we are in because we
are no of this world – Just like Jesus!
I would like you to
use this and the past e-mail if needed to make sure EVERYONE involved
in this school understands. I hold no malice toward anyone, I
just want to do God's will without getting sick of stress in the
process – I've been feeling it come over me again the past couple
days! I don't have time, now the energy to go through a month
of that again.
I found a great
follow-up for the 'moral inventory' list that we should talk about
(in fact, I've been going through this as well again), I've been
taking free classes from Dallas Theological Seminary - just finished
the Book of Jonah (this was the best one:
https://courses.dts.edu/module-1/jonah-session-4/)
- I'm working real hard with God to gain more patience and come up
with more ideas to use with difficult people ...
Constantly renew our
hearts and minds through self-evaluations – moral inventories.
Taken from the Dallas
Theological Seminary's free classes:
The Book of Jonah:
https://courses.dts.edu/module-1/jonah-session-1/
”
March 10 – Again, back-talk, kids
saying “no” – when I am only trying to help them! I am so
tired of this! No back-up from anyone, parents backing their kids
even when they are wrong! I’ve asked for parents to come in and
help (I have Mon. and Tues.) and one mom won’t help with the
twins because of how mean and disrespectful they are. I’m left to
myself to try to teach them (mostly against their will) and trying to
keep up with what everyone else is doing. There are only 4-5 kids
there on Mon. and Tues. because they don’t want to be there when I
am there! This lack of unity needs to stop! Another e-mail to
Denessa:
“[G] said
something last week that re-focused me ... again ... that it is the
souls of man that God is after. Nothing else matters, not the
daily things of this life. Last week he just randomly said:
"Until I came to this school, I never even heard about God."
That has really stuck with me when I came in this week and worked
with the boys. They were doing pretty good Tuesday, for the
most point, until afternoon - there was an issued with [G] on the
playground. Anyway, I put him in the music room for awhile to
think about it - he did and came out (the others were still at
recess) and we had a discussion about 'What would Jesus Do' and I
reminded him that was why we keep coming in day after day (all of us)
to learn how to treat each other - if the world acted like Jesus
taught it, wouldn't it be a better world? Well, this is our
world, how we treat each other makes a better or worse world?
Do you like what you see out in the world? Then why should we
bring it in here?
He seemed to think
about his and agree that we should make a better world here, etc.
I think this was the first time he put 2 and 2 together with these
concepts. I hope it starts reflecting, not only the way he
treats others, but maybe we need to bring this up to the entire
community there for morning devotion Thurs or Fri. Review of
the moral inventory, these 12 growth indicators (other e-mail), my
conversation (above), etc. Anyway, I am trying to keep in the
forefront of my mind at all times that this is all for the Glory of
God and to grow His Kingdom.”