Thursday, March 10, 2022

Does it ever end?

 

Feb. 28 – I’m so tired of everything going on at school. The 10th grade girl and that typical teenage attitude of “I know everything, you know nothing”. I did a whole-class assignment (short story, narration – in her book even!) and she said ‘no’, so Denessa got on her about it for being disrespectful. And it blew up from there – now she says that I don’t know how to teach art or music and that she and the 10th grade boy need to take over! I don’t care, I’m so frustrated by it all anyway! I try to do a lesson and the kids won’t quit talking and listen to how to do it and then they get frustrated because they can’t do it, etc. and etc. I was giving her and the 11th grader guitar lessons, then he decides he doesn’t want to do it anymore and then she wanted to switch to Violin, which I accommodated, then she throws this fit! I actually asked the 10th grade boy way before all that if he would be willing to teach them guitar since he was far better (I don’t even practice and haven't played in years!) and he said he was too busy. I haven’t even gotten into some of my cool art assignments because of the kids’ attitude and disrespect. I’m at a loss – I don’t want to be there any longer! I’m tired of always being the bad guy when I didn’t even do anything wrong!

I share my stories with people in order to help them understand something I’m teaching Biblically, and I share them for their benefit – to see that they can overcome evil with Jesus’ help, etc.  Why am I even bothering?!   I sent Denessa another e-mail:

“I got to thinking about the episodes last fall and again now, they all began with teenagers … now we all know, they don't have a brain yet!  (it is up to us to help mold it for the good of the community as well as service to God)  You know what I mean; they think they know everything … it goes with the age – every generation for thousands of years.  Why in the wide, wide, world of sports do these parents not see that 'the teenagers' speak and everyone bowed down and repeated the gossip, spreading the poison … covertly, of course.  Creating the fall guy for everyone to tread lightly around, wishing they wern’t there ….  I see the 'spiritual side' of this – which is what the repeated battles are – war which “isn't of flesh and blood, but of spiritual forces ...”  Everyone needs to quit doing the narrative the rest of the country is doing – divide and destroy – the very thing they are all out there going to meetings and protests about – they themselves are propagating within the walls of the church/school that GOD CREATED IN THE FIRST PLACE!  You know the spiritual beginnings of this whole undertaking and not only that, but the incredible wisdom and insight God gave us both in putting this whole thing together.  Never has a project gone so well for me – and I've been on tons of boards, committees, etc. and etc. and held office, etc. and etc. projects galore in the past – but God's hand was on this thing from the get-go.  Now, it is up to US, the physical/spiritual leaders to keep in prayer AND to squash this snake for what it is – to get the truth of the matter out in the open and make sure they understand that murmerings and whisperings of LIES must come to an end.  It is obvious now that I am held in distain by all now, not even trusted by the kids (I can see it) and so, I'm sorry, but they are no longer listening to me, so it comes to you to call a meeting and set this straight.  The one thing, like I said to you on Sunday, I cannot tolerate is that Witchcraft spirit and all the underlings that go with it.  That evil snake must be crushed for God to have his purpose in this building/church/school that He has created.  I have gotten prophecy from two sources now regarding our school, in relation to future events, kids, etc.) that God has a BIG purpose for us and we MUST BE UNITED ON ALL FRONTS!  I am not mad, I am distressed that we allowed this to go on by not fully addressing it last fall.  We hid it under a blanket for awhile, but no more.

I personally do not hold anger (I actually check out pretty good on that list – not to brag, but to say I do self-inventory often[I had presented Denessa with a ‘moral inventory’ list and she gave it to the kids]), but I am extremely impatient when it comes to spiritual destruction within my midst and nothing is done about it – we need to get serious about prayer (and we do along with our group, always pray for the school) and I know I was remiss in that.  The times we are in are critical for what is about to come.  Like I said yesterday, we are in the midst of rebuilding AND war AND tearing down all at the same time (Nehemiah, Ezra) and it isn't easy.  We are charged with molding the characters of these children (and their parents and grandparents) and we must keep in the forefront that we are evangelists out to save them all.  Therefore, they must be taught spiritual truths as we go along and this is a big one!

I got to thinking about how you said something about my past schools coming up – I'm wondering if they all missed the point I was making last Monday when I talked about hugging kids – the whole point I was making (my testimony in part) was that I was damaged at an early age, God healed me, and I was sent out to minister to others likewise (3rd gr. teacher) – the many damaged children I ministered to over the years was them trusting me, coming to me, opening their hearts, crying on my shoulder, and God healing them – in part or in whole at that time.  And when the national mandates went out in the early 2000's to 'not touch a kid in anyway' – my refusal at that time was to say no, I will continue to minster to these children no matter what anyone says.  I guess I didn't explain things clearly or some other message got out and got twisted … I don't know, but whatever it is, it must be killed.  Whenever I share with the kids – in whatever form: personal experiences, education (lessons I ask for), fun, whatever – I'm sharing from my 'wealth' from the goodness of my heart to increase their wealth.  The wise will take heed.  I may not be the best at 'how', but the source is ALWAYS the same – I care and I want to see change for the better in every part of our world – and this is the one part of the world I was given charge of by God Himself to accomplish.  Just like Jesus said in the word: “the world first hated me, so too will they hate you.”  This is a spiritual war that we are in because we are no of this world – Just like Jesus!

I would like you to use this and the past e-mail if needed to make sure EVERYONE involved in this school understands.  I hold no malice toward anyone, I just want to do God's will without getting sick of stress in the process – I've been feeling it come over me again the past couple days!  I don't have time, now the energy to go through a month of that again.

I found a great follow-up for the 'moral inventory' list that we should talk about (in fact, I've been going through this as well again), I've been taking free classes from Dallas Theological Seminary - just finished the Book of Jonah (this was the best one: https://courses.dts.edu/module-1/jonah-session-4/) - I'm working real hard with God to gain more patience and come up with more ideas to use with difficult people ...

Constantly renew our hearts and minds through self-evaluations – moral inventories.

Taken from the Dallas Theological Seminary's free classes:

The Book of Jonah:  https://courses.dts.edu/module-1/jonah-session-1/


March 10 – Again, back-talk, kids saying “no” – when I am only trying to help them! I am so tired of this! No back-up from anyone, parents backing their kids even when they are wrong! I’ve asked for parents to come in and help (I have Mon. and Tues.) and one mom won’t help with the twins because of how mean and disrespectful they are. I’m left to myself to try to teach them (mostly against their will) and trying to keep up with what everyone else is doing. There are only 4-5 kids there on Mon. and Tues. because they don’t want to be there when I am there! This lack of unity needs to stop! Another e-mail to Denessa:

“[G] said something last week that re-focused me ... again ... that it is the souls of man that God is after.  Nothing else matters, not the daily things of this life.  Last week he just randomly said:  "Until I came to this school, I never even heard about God."  That has really stuck with me when I came in this week and worked with the boys.  They were doing pretty good Tuesday, for the most point, until afternoon - there was an issued with [G] on the playground.  Anyway, I put him in the music room for awhile to think about it - he did and came out (the others were still at recess) and we had a discussion about 'What would Jesus Do' and I reminded him that was why we keep coming in day after day (all of us) to learn how to treat each other - if the world acted like Jesus taught it, wouldn't it be a better world?  Well, this is our world, how we treat each other makes a better or worse world?  Do you like what you see out in the world?  Then why should we bring it in here? 

He seemed to think about his and agree that we should make a better world here, etc.  I think this was the first time he put 2 and 2 together with these concepts.  I hope it starts reflecting, not only the way he treats others, but maybe we need to bring this up to the entire community there for morning devotion Thurs or Fri.  Review of the moral inventory, these 12 growth indicators (other e-mail), my conversation (above), etc.  Anyway, I am trying to keep in the forefront of my mind at all times that this is all for the Glory of God and to grow His Kingdom.”

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